Always in doubt ...

Sometimes it is really hard to know what you want. You're always in doubt about the things you're doing. Somehow everyone is trying to drag you to the left side or to the right side, just keep saying 'No, don't do that!' or 'Yeah, I think this will be better for you. Do this!' And even if no one is saying stuff like that, you feel the pressure society is giving you. You should do very well in school, then study and find a reputable, well-paid job, need to marry, build a house, have some kids & an expensive car, and so on. Of course you should achieve everything before you're 30.

But what if I don't want to …? What if I want to listen to my heart? What about my dreams? What about me just wanting to be happy?

The voices always keep talking … 'Ah come off! You will have no money, no job, no future! You should study hard … what about a job at a consulting concern? Stop dreaming, you should face the hard truth. Life is not easy, life is unkind. Don't you want to have children, get married? You're too old when you're 30. Think about your parents, they'd like too see their grandchildren grow up. The bachelor-degree takes three years, the master-degree two more years. Then you should have finished. It's not advisable to take more time. You will have to explain yourself to your employer. Busy yourself with hobbies? What do you get out of it?”

It is too much … I'm not even 25. The recent weeks or months I catch myself calculating the years of my life. Now I'm 22. With 23 I want to complete my bachelor-degree. Maybe another academic study? In this case, I will be 26, master-degree would take me only 2 years – so 25. In first case, I may need a master-degree – further 2 years, then I am 28. Maybe one year abroad – 29. Nothing really achieved until then. Maybe soon my husband wants children. What if he doesn't want to move to another city? What if he doesn't want me to go abroad for one year? What if he wants to go back to his home county?

Maybe another year abroad – don't think about it – 30! I'm not even 25 and all I see is this big number 30 like a big dark shadow in the back of my mind. 'What you should have achieved when you're 30 … '
It is really tiring me having these thoughts whirring around my head every now and then.
Somehow I'm afraid of never make my dream come true – traveling around the world as backpacker and learning a lot of languages. Just enjoy the feeling to be free, taking my time, visiting the most interesting places in the world, no stress about anything.



What do you think about crowd-funding? Would anyone fund me at all? I could offer interesting blog posts, beautiful pictures, postcards from all over the world and maybe some souvenirs. Would that be enough?

I'm not sure about anything ...